Creepy Jenggot

Posted: October 16, 2010 in Curhatan

Ok….i got shocked!! I really am….

It’s like Owh…my…God….is it real?! Because he kinda have “jenggot” to clearly make quite a statement that “I’m straight and religious so stay away u fag” hhhh… (_ _!) *ok it’s quite offensive statement* but it’s like written on his forehead with that tanda item bekas sujud whatever….

But he love to shows himself to some stranger at webcam… what should I say..

Ok…this is just my pre-analysis because I don’t have enough evident to frankly said that he’s that kind of person… *I really want to think positive and clear but naluri CHONG would always crawling and biting which one is the fact?!*

Ok…I think some of u would be confuse what the hell I’m talking about…so I’ll just tell u from the beginning…

Hhhh….

Ok, it happened in Saturday morning…

Seperti biasa another boring weekend…bangun tidur, cuci muka, liat laptop masih nyala dan masih terkoneksi dengan internet bikin gw  gatel untuk online….so I was sign in to my yahoo messenger account, joining some chat room and bothering the visitor…

But so sudden, some stranger BUZZZing me…say hi and those creepy basa/si, and it ended up he ask to c2c as I expected…

Ok…I do admit I kinda like this c2c things since I don’t have any bf to chat…

So, I ask him to shows his cam first…*it’s also kind of my strategy to avoid some creepy, maniac, old fag* but what I found that day is creepier than what I thought…

He’s one of my friends at the office…I mean not like the one whose hot and I secretly I adore as I expected…but this one is —errrrr….i would say the old marriage “janggut” man written on his forehead “I’m normal and sholeh” (just like Sue Sylvester always said it’s “horroorrrr”)

And then buru-buru gw tutup tu chat…sign out dan beristigfar….hhhh…(sempet ya!!)

Jadi ada beberapa hal yang bikin gw curiga:

1.       Orang sholeh mana yang pagi-pagi udah BUZZing stranger from chat room (well, I’m not saying that the visitor of this chat room I’m talking about is mostly gay in disguise but I think it’s kinda quite fact) –that’s why I joined that room…hehe…

2.       I set my nick name as “boys lover”, don’t u think it’s quite clear that’s a common gay guy nick… Sempet mikir juga klo he probably think that I’m a girl tapi even if the fact I were a girl would against the fact that he BUZZing stranger… *Na’ a*

3.       Bukannya ge-er atau apa, tapi klo di kantor dia suka ngeliatin gw dengan muka aneh (kinda creepy though)

So the conclusion still unknown but, It’s definitely has changed my opinion about him…

 

NEWBIE

Posted: September 30, 2010 in Curhatan

Ay..ay…ay…I’m back….

Hari ini mau cerita apa yah…bingung juga….

Oooww…I know…I wanna tell u some new interesting story…

This is about a newbie at my office….

Ga tau kenapa..but this newbie mencuri banyak perhatian orang sekantor, intinya mengundang sensasi gitulah….tapi…yang pasti bukan karena he’s charming handsome or whatever…whatever…meskipun lumayan hot juga sih…(klo kata temen gw, tinggal tutupin aja mukanya pake bantal masih tetep bisa kan?!!! —PLAK!!) tapi karena dia suka bertingkah polah aneh gt….

Misalnya:

–       Pas pertama kali gw masuk kantor yang dengan sibuknya sok-sok silaturahmi salam-salaman, tepe-tepe kesana kemari and then I found out him, busy with his whatever activity, gw sebagai senior (Jiaaah)… datengin diakan dengan maksud buat minal aidzinan but what I get is a flaaaaattt expression (udah ngalahin flat LCD, LED, Plasma Samsung whatever), he don’t even membalas ucapan gw and I was like WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH him?!!! –muka mengkerut, alis ketemu alis gt…hhhh….

–       The next day with the same activities gw biasa bergosip sama temen depan, kiri dan kanan and then tiba-tiba si newbie ngomong kenceng banget ampe all eyes on him, semua pada noleh gt (klo diibaratkan tuh kayak orang yg nelpon in public with full voice volume and it’s annoying), bedanya klo in his case…dia sambil webcam-an…lengkap dengan gerakan-gerakan tangan… and I was like O..OW… is he insane?! –this is public space…and after that weird day, gw sama temen2 sekantor mulai heboh deh ngegosipin dia….like “eh…itu anak baru aneh bgt deh…bla..bla…masa webcam-an dikantor laptop-nya ampe dibawa jalan-jalan…bla..bla…terus dia bilang –ini kantor gw, coba liat deh (sambil muterin ruangan, without even care we’re there)….”

–       The next other day… the newbie dipanggil sama Kasubbag SDM which is terkenal dengan ketegasannya dalam menegakan disiplin pegawai and also manner pegawai terhadap atasannya…yang aku denger sih dari cerita one of my friend staff of SDM dia dinasehatin gt sama Ibu Kasubbag, like he must get socialized with other (that mean us), and also trying to cooperate with everyone because sooner or later me or any of my friends someday could be trapped to work with him…hihi…which for us is like curse…

But honestly, sebenernya gw kasian juga sih sama dia…I mean he’s not as bad as people talk about him….he’s cute –plaak!! That’s not it… well, I mean he’s kinda have that nice potential person…with the way he talk with his friend which is mean dia belum menemukan “klik” with one of us…. (iiiiih…berpositive thinking bgt gw…).

So I’m still waiting….for him if he change his mind to make a friend with one of us (ngeliat tetangga depan, kiri, kanan).

FYI, the newbie yg gw bicarain diatas pernah direkomendasikan sama salah satu temen gw buat dideketin katanya who knows he could be have “that” potential…but after I examine him, I don’t think I can make anykind relationship with these kind of people…(yaolo…jahat bgt ya gw)…hihihi….

—well, gw rasa cerita hari ini cukup segitu aja, daripada nambah dosa lagi, ngomongin keburukan orang…hhhh… *ampunibaimyaalloh*

Insecured

Posted: September 29, 2010 in Curhatan

29 September 2010

Hari ini gw berangkat ke kantor seperti biasa… memakai batik yang udah kusiapin dari jauh hari, karena aku tau wearing batik could mean something….

But today I feels not so cheering up, I got a horrible feeling that something bad would happen, mata sebelah kiri gw kedutan terus dari kemaren….and some people said that it is somekind of sign that something terrible could make me cry….

So I tried to close my left eye covered it with my hand, wished that kedutan not going to continue….*I know that sounds stupid and all but sometimes it help a lot when u worried too much…

Aku mulai merasa ga nyaman sejak senin kemaren, it starts when Polantas (red: Polisi lalu lintas) stopped me at the street for something that I never caught up before…

Yup for the first time in my life, gw ditilang… for a mistake that this whole year, polantas never caught me and that is because my left spion not attached. Stupid little mistake that others would never got caught but I guess that day was my bad luck.

After that incident another things start happen like I was going to attached my left spion so gw datengin bengkel resmi terdekat but what happen is there’s no stock at that 3 places I visited. But what worse than that is I hit others bicycle rider for stopped so sudden. That day I felt really shocked and makes me down….

So here I am today still feel paranoid that something bad could happen today, start with kedutan on my left eye and then imagining horrible things that might happen…

Aaaaarrrghh…I just can’t do these to myself….i need my “me” back…



Pass…

Posted: September 28, 2010 in Curhatan

Sebenernya ga ada yang special sih…

Tapi pengen cerita aja… berhubung blog ini juga udah mulai terbengkalai ga ada updetannya jadi… cuap-cuap dikitlah…

Jadi… kemaren tuh, gw ikut ujian sebut aja lah ujian sekolah gratis… dan berlokasi di medan which is the nearest place I can reach from the place I lived now.

Ujian beasiswa ini terbagi jadi dua tahap, tahap yang pertama ujian Tes Pengetahuan Umum (TPA) that’s include matematika dasar in it dan Bahasa Inggris… tahap kedua (jika lulus tahap I) adalah Psikotest.

To be honest, to participate in this test, I was extremely nervous, my hands are sweating like cock and my heart beat faster than ever (ok that’s sounds lebay), but yeah…I could say that I was nervous…

At that time I was in the middle of assignment, trapped somewhere in the jungle for audit…so u could say I’m way too busy to study, I meant to prepare for the test…

What I was doing at that time is grumbling, cursing myself, and act very pessimistic like there’s no way for me to have that chance…. but I have to finally face that test.

So the time had finally come and I had sited at that numbered chair, holding my pen, staring at the paper test…

It’s perfectly make my back hurts, and there’s like half of the question I couldn’t answered, I’m totally fail…and I was hopeless…

There’s a few think that makes me desperately hopeless…

1.       My rival should have more prepare than I do and I know that they’re studied very hard for this, and I, in the middle of audit assignment, just had practice a night before the test nothing to compare.

2.       I should be very lucky if I could pass the test and that should be a God will, because a day before the test I’ve done a sin, actually a big sin for having sex with some stranger at my hotel room. (God forgive me for this) –I’ll tell u this later

3.       There’s too many hole at my answer sheet which is shows that I was really unprepared for this… so how would I pass the test with that perforated answer sheet.

But u know what, if there’s a will there always a way, I was shocked when my friend said that I pass and automatically in for the second test…

ALHAMDULILAH…

It’s like GOD just shows miracle to me…(ok itu terdengar lebay), tapi aku merasa ALLAH bener-bener sayang sama gw for giving me this chance.

Bahkan pada hari setelah ujian, gw sempet bilang sama temen gw klo saat itu gw pengen ngebuang kertas Bukti Peserta Ujian (BPU) but my friend said “don’t”, he said that there’s always a chance for one of us, and thanks to him, I didn’t throw my BPU, thanks God he’s also pass…

Desperation –> No Hope!!

Posted: June 26, 2010 in Curhatan

So karena masih semangat nih buat nulis…I wanna tell u some of my story…

So here it this…

Beberapa hari yang lalu I met this guy named riq, of course that’s not his real name it’s just a twitter ID of him. I know him through timeline of my friends twitter account, well u can say I’m in desperation for sneaking into somebody’s twitter account and secretly follow one of his follower….hhh…

I can’t believe myself what I just did, shame on me…but I can’t lied to myself that I kind of attracted to this guy…you know he’s kinda cute with his narcist personality that showing up his body on his profile pict…*yes!! Slap me please for that* but u got to admit that I was a naïve and weak gay *hoeeks* (see…don’t u think I’m really in desperation). <– mengasihani diri sendiri…hhhh… no hope!

Long short story I’ve finally met this guy at someplace and had a chit/chat which surprisingly he’s kinda cute and nice guy, so once more I fall for him… my eyes are soo loves heart shapes at that time…hehe…

I admit that he got that look and sweet words…come out his mouth…which desperately I want to kiss and suck *ooops my bad*

Then finally our dating was ended up with say “goodbye” to each other and split up taking different ways home… after this meeting actually me, myself and I barely know that I’m not attractive enough for him, but I kept assuring myself that I still have a chance to met him again …and so I tried texting him through BBM and he responds me flat…but i kept trying…

Yang bisa gw ambil pelajaran dari kejadian kemaren adalah “PLEASE FACE THE TRUTH BEFORE U’LL GET HURT” yess!! And now I’m hurting myself by expecting him to give another chance…

HHHHhhh…im so phatetic…yes…call me with that BIG “L” letter…

But it’s been almost a year since my last bf….

Well, at least im trying… <– mengasihani diri sendiri lagi…NO HOPE!!

-the end-

KENALAN YUUK!!

Posted: June 26, 2010 in Curhatan

Oke…so this is my first introduction for my new blog…errrr…actually this is not new anyway, I just changed my username so I could hide behind it… well, u can say I’m a coward for hiding behind a fake name…but what I really want to say through this blog is that I’m not ready yet to come out say out loud to the world “HEY I’M GAY AND IF U WANNA KNOW ME READ MY PROFILE ON MY BLOG”….nope!! I would never do that, because yes!! I’m a coward or chicken or whatever you named it….

So before we get to know each other, I want to introduce myself first (ngomong sendiri, tanda-tanda gila *sigh* ). First of all this is not my first time having a blog, but u can say I rarely active on this whatever u named it “blog thingy thing”.

So to show my personality, first I must make myself comfort and safe from the real world judgment that’s why I’m using this fake name, so let say this is my new identity…

Aaaah, kalian ga tau sih, how I feel right now…

I feel the new excitement of share some new thing or whatever that comes on my mind that I can’t frankly says in the real world…

So let’s say that my new blog is kind of a diary of mine…or racauan atau lebih tepatnya keluhan…for relieving myself from the real world out there.

I named myself DELU510N that means way too much hallucinating or dreaming…so everything that I do are usually got fracted by my own hallucination, mungkin lebih tepatnya kebanyakan ngayal jadinya yang nyata jadi ga nyata, yang ga nyata jadi nyata…hhhh….

So finally all I can say is “happy blogwalking” and don’t bother me if u suddenly get bored with my blog just walk out…I won’t get mad or something… it’s just the diary of mine…

SMOOOCH…

–Love ya all–

Shocked!!!

Posted: June 26, 2010 in Curhatan

Im so..shocked, I don’t know what kind of expression when I read these blog friends of my friends that I follow, well sebut aja langsung sih nama blog-nya pake sok-sok secret segala…

Well, the blog name is Doubleag3nt, yes!! That famous one among us…

Why?! Because it has the character that we’ve looking for which is gay who get married…

Yes, it’s real…and you or me (pointing myself), must be very much curious about so many question of what it feels like to be a married gay…

So am i…I was very much curious and still, but as an amateurish gw cuma baca-baca aja, never had a thought to have a relationship of being a married gay…

Ok back to the main topic which is why I got shocked….i meant really shocked like get strike by lightning (langsung inget lagu-nya teh Mimi “Angels cry” halah), berasa heavy breath, and also sedih, gimana ya?! Gw juga bingung ngungkapinnya…

Long short story this Doubelag3nt owner who had married got caught that he’s a gay through his blog. Intinya sih his wife, baca blognya and surprisingly knows the owner of the blog…. Its pretty scary though…

Kebayang ga sih gimana rasanya…panas dingin ketemu istri yg tau bahwa kita udah bohong sama the one whom we swore to…that promise to share the tears and laugh and be honest to each other…

Sedih ga sih?! Ketauan bohong sama orang yang kita cintai?! Sakit… I just can’t imagine it…

Tapi what I learned the most from the Doubleag3nt blog owner is that he can face her wife gently and decide that she’s the one he love… (isn’t that romantic?!).

Tapi sedih juga dia harus ninggalin seluruh blog-nya and of course his past…

Pengen meluk this Doubleag3nt and says “………….” Nothing but tears rolling down…

I believe that he will get the true happiness eventually…apalagi kalo udah punya anak yg lucu-lucu…that would be very sweet…no! it would be Beautiful…

Dedicated to: Lucky (Doubleag3nt Blog Owner)

Hello world!

Posted: June 26, 2010 in Uncategorized

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